Thursday, November 19, 2020

Desperately Seeking Joy #14


Today is definitely a day that I am seeking joy desperately! I feel overwhelmed and a whole onslaught of negative emotions. I keep trying to do little things to push them away, but the onslaught is causing these almost-panic attack like experiences.  The horrible thought that keeps going through my head is "other people can deal with these little things, why can't you?" And I know why I can't, but then all I feel is "it's not fair" that I have this disability. Which then makes me feel guilty for not being happy with what I have been given in life and then I feel like a horrible person and then it starts all over again. 

Today is supposed to be a regrouping day. We arrived back home from my mom's yesterday and the I realized Thanksgiving is next Thursday. So I panicked. There was no relaxing yesterday, only crying. Then today I got Thanksgiving sorted, but now it's so many other things that are on my plate and I feel consumed and crushed.


Some positive things happened during the day that made me have these little happy moments. 

  • Organized my secret santa's gifts.
  • (Not pleased with the shipping of several things on Etsy, but also happy with some.)
  • My husband got me a fish sandwich! It was much craved and appreciated.
  • My daughter got excited to learn that Liam O'Brien used to voice the Wonderful Pistachio commercials.
  • Watched some of the final episodes of Supernatural with hubby.
  • The person on Board Game Geek who runs the Advent Calendar Geek List posted the 2020 list and I got to work on that post.
  • Worked on the prep for my Game-a-Day Calendar for my blog.
It was a day littered with tears and I tried to latch onto the small happy moments, but it's hard right now. I tried and am making an effort and that's what's important.

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