Sunday, October 11, 2020

Desperately Seeking Joy #3


I started the day off with some breakfast that the family loved. It was Orange Cinnamon Rolls from the Pillsbury can. It's one of those childhood throwbacks that reminds me of "home." 

I tried to watch some movies and things. I even baked an apple dump cake, but it was really difficult to feel a radiating happiness.

Being on the internet didn't help, because there are just too many triggers to my sadness. It could be people posting their own happiness everywhere, because that's what we've been told should only be out in the universe. Or they post what they THINK is inspirational messages, but really to someone who is struggling, it is not inspirational. Instead those messages make me feel like a failure, because of what I'm going through. It is said that we CHOOSE to think positively. I will never agree with that. I don't want these sad and debilitating thoughts all day. I seek to find the positive. I seek to find the distraction. But sometimes people don't get to choose. We have to battle the darkness.

No comments:

Post a Comment