Desperately Seeking Joy #14

 

Today is definitely a day that I am seeking joy desperately! I feel overwhelmed and a whole onslaught of negative emotions. I keep trying to do little things to push them away, but the onslaught is causing these almost-panic attack like experiences.  The horrible thought that keeps going through my head is "other people can deal with these little things, why can't you?" And I know why I can't, but then all I feel is "it's not fair" that I have this disability. Which then makes me feel guilty for not being happy with what I have been given in life and then I feel like a horrible person and then it starts all over again. 

Today is supposed to be a regrouping day. We arrived back home from my mom's yesterday and the I realized Thanksgiving is next Thursday. So I panicked. There was no relaxing yesterday, only crying. Then today I got Thanksgiving sorted, but now it's so many other things that are on my plate and I feel consumed and crushed.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some positive things happened during the day that made me have these little happy moments. 

• Critical Role has some new merch that just made my heart soar and I was allowed to make the purchase, so it makes me so happy!
• CRITICAL ROLE LOGO ORNAMENTS 3 PACK
• CRITICAL ROLE WRAPPING PAPER (I got purple and yellow)
• CRITICAL ROLE WASHI TAPE (I got the blue and gold)
• Finally finished Episode 66. (I'm comin' for you Episode 117!)
• My husband found my Elf on the Shelf Funko and elf hat for Joy.

• Organized my secret santa's gifts.
• (Not pleased with the shipping of several things on Etsy, but also happy with some.)
• My husband got me a fish sandwich! It was much craved and appreciated.
• My daughter got excited to learn that Liam O'Brien used to voice the Wonderful Pistachio commercials.
• Watched some of the final episodes of Supernatural with hubby.
• The person on Board Game Geek who runs the Advent Calendar Geek List posted the 2020 list and I got to work on that post.
• Worked on the prep for my Game-a-Day Calendar for my blog.

It was a day littered with tears and I tried to latch onto the small happy moments, but it's hard right now. I tried and am making an effort and that's what's important.