Desperately Seeking Joy #7

 

Seeking "joy" is hard. I'm at the point with this one particular medication where I am feeling incredibly muddled and cloudy. You know how Hollywood depicts mental institutions? I get it now. Everyone just stare off or shuffle around aimlessly.

But I found if I ingest some caffeine it helps to take that muddled edge off. I just have to find the right source and the right amount. Too much causes the anxiety to flare up. Too little... well... is too little. 

I am trying to be activity driven. I make a list of the things that need to get done and I do one thing, then take a break and then do another. It worked really well when we were at my mom's house. She throws out tasks at breakneck speeds and I get them written down and then I slowly work to accomplish them. 

Today, though I started with some tasks to get the day rolling:

• Arranged a Zoom meeting for my mom with my brother.
• Made an appointment for my own blood draws for lab tests.
• Cooked breakfast for the family.
• Did the dishes from breakfast.
• Folded the bed sheets that were in the dryer.
• Ran a load of towels and blankets.
• Watched 40 minutes of Critical Role: Campaign 2 - Episode 58.
• Fed the dogs and let them out and other animal care needs.
• Got dressed in fresh clothes for the day.
• Helped with getting recycles out.
• Made a grocery list and scheduled our grocery contactless pickup.
• Ordered some cleaning supplies on Amazon.
• Finished my blog entry about part one of our Halloween One-Shot.
• Logged my fasting and my food intake. 
• Reviewed some nifty stickers for my calendar that are self-care oriented and a steps challenge to help myself get walking again.
• Printed out Christmas Countdown Tags for my Iggle 25 Days of Cheer Swap.

I shred this list with my husband and he said it's alright to take a break. But I didn't want to take a break. I wanted to feel motivated to do anything! So I drank a little more RockStar.

• Watched more Critical Role: Campaign 2 - Episode 58.
• Cut out and hole-punched all the tags for the swap gift.
• Looked for some nice little trinkets to add to the swap box.
• Prepared lunch for my daughter.
• Cleaned up lunch for my daughter. (Seriously kid.....)
• Discussed a Board Game Advent Calendar for 2020.
• Spent time browsing Critical Role Shop and bought their newly released pajamas before they went out of stock! 
• Worked on parsing down a list of over 60 board games to 31 for an Advent Calendar.
• Sorted 31 games into similar categories so the Advent Calendar will flow, then retyped the list on the computer.
• Got the mail.
• Returned the garbage and recycle bins to the garage.
• Tried on the two new pairs of pajama pants I got from Hot Topic (Luke's Diner & Ravenclaw).
• Wrote out a wedding card to some friends who got married during the pandemic. 
• Worked on gathering all the pictures to make the game-a-day Advent Calendar for my husband.
• Worked on revising my Christmas/Birthday list on Amazon.
• Connected with a friend who was checking in with me.
• Started work on the digital daily game-a-day calendar.
• Talked to my mom about the handyman we're trying to get ahold of.
• Made dinner.

I spent my evening relaxing and talking with my husband. We got in an episode of Bly Manor. Strangely, it was one of the episodes that really messes with your mind, but ends shockingly! Wasn't expecting that for our one episode to watch. 

So, I guess, today in its own way I found joy by keeping myself busy. I saved some tasks to work on tomorrow so I have a way out of staying in a funk.